Mid January…Mid Morning…Mid Life…Crisis? Where do I stand on the time line of my life? What have I done to get me here? To get me to this point and for me to find out, there are issues yet to be solved. Akin to an archaeological dig. The excitement and joy of the Professor who uncovers a particularly rare and unique skeleton, that makes her collection of bones complete. Bones of the past. Bone marrow of the present. Flesh and blood and Life of now and the future. How do you know you are alive? What do you feel that makes the dig worthwhile?
We came from hardy people. Work, eat, sex, sleep, work , eat, sex, sleep. This no longer suffices. Hair, nails, diet, gym, gastric band, lover, mistress, money, addiction, shrink, life style coach, therapist, counsellor, meditation, friendship, betrayal, angst, anxiety, phobia, egocentricities, self love, self harm, self loathing, self induced melt down.
I put myself through the ordeal of buying a new sports bra today. Bra shopping is always done as a kind of absolute necessity. The assistant had to help me in and out of various sports bras and for those of you uneducated in this escapade, they are ultra tight, for absolute support and minimum movement of the captured orb like objects. I was strapped into one of them and could hardly breathe and it achieved what I thought would be physically impossible. My boobs became flat.
“Where’ve they gone?” I asked the petite A cupped assistant.
She couldn’t give me a satisfactory anatomical explanation.
“What about the black one?” She asked diverting from the awaited answer.
“It’s a good fit.” I say. “Only the cups make me look like Madonna in that Jean Paul Gautier bustier.”
I’m still waiting for her to see the funny side.
So, she swept in and out of my cubicle, with various shapes and sizes. It appears sports bra’s are built to be tight. It, (the tightness), prevents oscillation. What they do not write in the small print is that they prevent respiration too. I made several purchases of the various gravity defying devices; this limits the trauma to one shopping trip, for at least another six months.
I drink too much caffeine. I am addicted. I did detox in the early hours after the gong of new year. I even like the detox tea. I lasted a week or so and then went back to the devilish aroma of ground coffee. Now, I know there are worse things to be addicted too; crack cocaine, heroine, sugar. Yes really, I read in a woman’s magazine, sugar is just as addictive as heroine. Yikes!
So far, that’s caffeine and sugar.
I must also tell you of my anxiety at knowing about my vices. Once upon a time, I would have been blissfully ignorant of such information. January is filled with “lose the flab fast” diets. I’ve done the WW thing in the past. And I’ve done the slim shake thing too and I’ve joined the gym ten thousand times, only to lose interest and money a few days/weeks later. I’ve also done the low carbohydrate diet and I thought I was dying, when my body was pushed into ketosis.
I do know mathematically what works. It is very simple. I have to work out how many calories my body needs for a 24 hour period. Energy for walking, talking, breathing, thinking etc and then consume those calories spread out over the said 24hr period. I then have to exercise. YES, EXERCISE and burn off the excess calories and after maybe two or three weeks, my body will begin to metabolise fat into sugar and the excess calories needed will be from my fat reserves. So, Why Oh! Why is such a simple mathematical formula not that easy to implement.
The sugar addiction? The motivation factor? I still have a strong association with the word motivation to Mr. motivator in the green lycra. (This is not a good memory). So then Nike just say, “Just do it” and that’s OK for people who are already stick thin. Moving a larger amount of body weight is a much heavier and cumbersome task than these athletic types realise.
Whole foods are one of the undiscovered secrets of weight loss. If I fill my body full on whole foods and lean proteins, that works. I know because I have also done this before. Whole foods are slow foods and do need preparation and preparation needs time and here I’m getting to another dangerous addiction- Convenience, addicted to that which is convenient, that which saves time. Guilty as charged.
I took some innocent fruit tubes with me today, they work out at approximately 25 calories per tube. This is a low calorie sugar hit which did work, kind of; I overan on the time I needed and ended up hungry, sugar depleted and jittery. The moral of this story is, take more fruit tubes with you next time, or some oatcakes which are very cunning pieces of food, because they actually give your body a carbohydrate slow release effect. So, in short, your blood sugar levels stay stable and there are none of the fatal peaks and troughs. If the body’s blood sugar level is maintained between 3.6 and 5.8mmols per litre (Wiki), then cravings and ill thought out meal planning can be avoided.
So, what about practising what I preach. I am overweight despite knowing a lot about healthy eating and the necessity of exercise. I also have attended a lot of NLP, life coaching style workshops. There is not a lot I haven’t done in my quest for a healthier slimmer body.
I am forever optimistic and believe my shape will get smaller, along with my weight, BMI and dress size. Watch this space.
And so to other issues; Work. As from now on my first job title is writer. Any other job title is a means to supporting the first job title. Tell the world, I am a writer. I write and I write in the mornings, afternoons, evenings and night. I write on weekdays and weekends. I write on holidays and Holy Days, because my gift is Grace and Sanctified. I write when I am inspired and I write during life’s mundaneness. I write at God’s altar and I write the Devil’s fire. I write the confessions of Saints and Angels and I write of the halo’s of Hell.
Write, Eat, Sex, Sleep.
Write, Eat, Sex, Sleep.
Write, Eat, Sex, Sleep.