Fear of Having


I have fear. A fear of having. A fear of having all the love and money and sex i want and losing it, I have fear of loss. The kind of loss that leaves the soul bereft and the body aching. I have fear of losing, so I chase that which I can not have, because I have won there, I have won in not having and therefore not losing.

I would rather not receive in the first place to avoid the pain of losing. I build up my belief system around this, I carry out behaviours that support this fear of losing. I get myself into habits of not having. Habits of not receiving; from compliments to money, from money to love, from love to sex.

I don’t want to need you for anything. If I don’t need you, I will never lose you. If you don’t give. I will not receive. If I don’t receive of you then I will not lose you.

I can not receive, because I fear so much your loss.

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