Fear of Having

I have fear. A fear of having. A fear of having all the love and money and sex i want and losing it, I have fear of loss. The kind of loss that leaves the soul bereft and the body aching. I have fear of losing, so I chase that which I can not have, because I have won there, I have won in not having and therefore not losing.

I would rather not receive in the first place to avoid the pain of losing. I build up my belief system around this, I carry out behaviours that support this fear of losing. I get myself into habits of not having. Habits of not receiving; from compliments to money, from money to love, from love to sex.

I don’t want to need you for anything. If I don’t need you, I will never lose you. If you don’t give. I will not receive. If I don’t receive of you then I will not lose you.

I can not receive, because I fear so much your loss.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s